Speak Life

If you’re used to overthinking literally everything ever, it can be easy to wander toward cynical/negative thoughts and self-sabotaging. You have to beat YOU to the punch by speaking life into yourself. Stay tuned at the end for a spiritual-pouring-into party with bible verses to support you on this journey.

I have to start speaking life into the situations I experience and desire. If not, my mind will take me on a journey to self-destruction. I like to think I’m just being realistic or reasonable with my expectations of myself and others. In all actuality, I’m selling myself short. Even if it feels like I’m lying or the goal doesn’t seem attainable, I can start a new habit by speaking positively enough that my mind no longer has time to spiral into

self-sabotage mode.

In self-sabotage mode, it never *feels* like I’m ruining my life with my bare hands.
It feels like
-I’m protecting myself: by way of not allowing anyone to get too close, etc.
-It doesn’t feel right so I won’t choose this, and I’m unsure at the moment so I won’t choose this either… which leaves me stagnant in not making any decision at all.
-I have the freedom to change my mind, even though I said I wouldn’t do that.

Our thought patterns are ultimately the sum of our life experiences causing us to react in ways that project, protect, fight, freeze, or flight. While intentions may be good, most times you have no idea what damage you’re causing until the damage has been done.

In not allowing anyone to get too close, I’m robbing myself of unforgettable MOMENTS shared with those (friends, family, dating) that have care, interest, and love for me. It’s important we allow ourselves to live in each moment. Do not work overtime trying to connect every dot and puzzle piece. You deserve love, intimacy, quality time, affection, effort and attention.

*Transparency* I personally have a habit of shutting others off from consoling me.
I carry the I’m-strong-and-independent torch with pride. But that may be all it is, pride.

If you’re not okay, say that. PeriodT.

Almost EVERY SINGLE TIME I vent to a loved one, I close it off (before they have a chance to respond or offer concern) with a sturdy “I’m fine, It’s fine, Everything will be fine”. Like, sis… give them a chance!
Moments, people. The present! Live in the moment.
Experience the emotions you feel and let them pass as they are temporary. Let it out in whatever form feels authentic to you: journaling, talking to a loved one, art, music, etc. And do not apologize for NOT being okay all of the time! It’s not normal or human. The most appealing social media personas have bad days. Also, never compare yourself to that standard but we shall move on because we could be here all day on that.

Not choosing to apply or take that job, move to that place, date that person, start that business, will leave you stagnant every time. Please let us note that NOT choosing IS choosing. When you don’t make these seemingly hard decisions, you’re choosing to stay in the same place. Do you love that place you’re staying in? Chances are that answer is no. If not, you have to make moves. Whether the dots connect or not.

Let’s talk about boundaries.

If at any time you decide something and have good reason, don’t go against your word. You are the authority in your life and if you decide what’s best for you and your growth, YOU are the King and Queen!
If you set a boundary like not answering the phone after a certain time of day so you can wind down before bed, put your phone on Do Not Disturb mode. Let those that you care for know about this boundary so they will be on board to schedule to respect it. If your boundary is to not accept less than you deserve from a romantic interest, maybe allowing them to share your energy every time they hop into your DM’s isn’t the move. Boundaries are where we take our power back. Self-care is taking your power back.

What does speaking life look like?

Affirmations. Setting intentions.

When a thought arises, choose the most positive outcome imaginable and say that to yourself first. Even if you find yourself contemplating and trying to talk yourself out of it, speak positive first. And second and third if you have to. We deserve the space to experience our best life and it’s time we stop talking ourselves out of it.

Affirmations can be tailored to any area of your life needing some tender lovin’ care. If you struggle to stay productive while working from home, you can adopt some daily affirmations:

-Everything will get done
-I don’t need to put so much pressure on myself, I can take a break
-I am grateful for my job
-I am grateful for my house
etc.

If you need a little help finding affirmations that resonate with you, check out one of my favorite bloggers/IG’ers @thecoffeybreak. She has a linktree posted in her bio with her many ventures to explore but here’s a direct link to her website so you can sign-up to receive affirmations via email.
I’m not affiliated or paid to tell you that lol She’s just a fave of mine and her affirmation posts have helped me get in the groove of coming up with my own.

Still exploring the affirmation realm? You can create a Pinterest if you don’t already have one and make you a cool little board dedicated to affirmations. Google is also your friend. :)

Setting intentions.

The easiest way to set intentions for yourself are to choose a specific time of day to do it. Choose a spot in your morning routine to set intentions for the day. Setting an intention is simply deciding what YOU WANT your day to look like, deciding what goals you wish to accomplish or how you wish to feel throughout or once the day is done. If you prefer to set intentions at night before bed, decide what you want the next day to look like and sleep on that. An example would be one I recently set in my morning routine: I desire to feel calm, inspired, and fulfilled at the end of my day listening to good music. I imagined what I wanted my facial expression to be and how I wanted to feel. The crazy part is IT WORKED! I made a playlist of my favorite vibes and spent my whole day in my music bagggg! I felt relaxed and comforted by the music in the exact way I imagined.

My good friend Alanté gave me some tips on how she established a morning routine to get herself centered.
Sidenote: Sis has a whole Instagram account dedicated to offering genuine, meaningful, intellectual advice focused around mental health and wellness. Check it out.

She says she doesn’t get on social media as soon as she wakes up, read any text messages, or return any phone calls until she centers herself. First, she’ll read the Bible. Next, she meditates. She’ll then eat and drink a glass of water and CBD oil (courtesy of local to Louisville, Kentucky Sol). She puts measures in place to ensure she’s not on social media until a certain time of day or she can’t eat breakfast until she’s first had a glass of water. Before she gets her day started she sets in her mind how she wants her day to go and what she needs to get done. She strives to never stray away from that.

Another good friend of mine, Shantae, says she starts her morning off with prayer and scripture from the Bible. She doesn’t set expectations for the day, she goes with the flow. If she feels lower in vibration in the morning or throughout her day she will often listen to music to fit her desired mood/vibes.

From these examples I want you to see that this self-care thing isn’t one size fits all. Take the time to explore what feels right for you.

Quarantine is making all of us feel some type of way. Lots of emotions, needs to be met, and even some trauma. Be patient and forgiving with yourself. Allow yourself to feel what you feel.

You are not obligated to be productive every day.

Putting yourself first is a sure way to do your best in maintaining.

Seek therapy if you don’t already have it because talking to someone can help you think through things and plan to develop healthy coping strategies.

I am not an expert on anything but my own experience. I thought I’d share some things I’ve learned and in sharing them I hope it helps.

Here are some scriptures related to speaking life to help you along the way:

Peace, Love & Happiness, my friend!