Quarantine University Part 2: Emotions
Being under quarantine to some degree has become our new way of life until further notice. Unless you’re front line (to my front line peeps, God bless your soul to infinity and beyond), you may be stuck at home and have ample time to enter reflection mode. We all don’t have the luxury of staying home or working from home and that can be frustrating. Also, let me add that it may not be a luxury for you to stay home or work from home because that might mean you’re stuck with an abusive family member, struggle with your mental health, alcoholism, addiction, lack of income, food, etc.
sidenote: If you don’t have what you need during this time, email me at brookandoak@gmail.com and I will help you obtain it.
We don’t always have enough information and that can feel uneasy. We don’t always feel safe being around people or going out in public and that can feel scary. Regardless of where you are in the world and what you do with your day, this time brings an array of feelings that overwhelm.
e·mo·tion
/əˈmōSH(ə)n/
noun
a natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one's circumstances, mood, or relationships with others.
We often hear people explain emotions as being “temporary”.
This makes it sound like a small spill on the floor you can wipe up with a towel. While it’s true, emotions do not last forever, it still feels a little invalidating…
The reality for some is that these emotions feel less like a small spill and more like a flood. Let’s analogize.
Water is flooding your home. Water being emotions and home being your body, mind, and heart. The “water” consumes all of the space in your home. You can’t think of anything else. It’s caused irreversible damage. Can it be rebuilt? Some things may be salvageable but for the most part you’ll need new materials. The really tough moments in life can feel overwhelming and traumatizing. In terms of me saying you may need new materials to help rebuild, I mean you may need to unlearn, relearn, and/or restructure thought patterns.
Depression, anxiety, heartbreak, grief.
They all feel more like floods. You know it won’t rain and flood you out forever (God said that, Amen?) but it’s just too much to handle at once. It doesn’t always feel like everything is “okay” and it’s not! You’re completely valid in feeling that way.
I’m a social worker who is currently operating from my living room. I still meet with clients on a limited basis and have to bring them things as needed. Living alone during quarantine brought me back to 2016. Let me explain…
When I first moved into this apartment, it was my first time truly living alone. I had this space all to myself and that sounds great, right? Nah. I learned REAL QUICK how rough it is to have time to sit in your thoughts. Let’s be real. Phone calls to friends and family can only go so far. I had just gotten a new job, new apartment, add in some relationship issues and once winter hit, things started going downhill. I felt really alone and lost. I didn’t trust my own judgement in a few areas so I contemplated therapy. Mind you, I strive to be a therapist so it made me feel weak to consider getting my own. I pushed past all that because no matter what, I live and breathe to help others better their lives. I had to treat myself with that same respect. I searched on PsychologyToday.com and looked through bios for hours. I found a therapist I connected with most and reached out. I’ve been going to that therapist ever since. I’ll probably write a whole ‘nother piece on that one day lol.
Reason I told you all that is because I felt the same uneasiness from 2016 once I was “forced” to stay in the house under quarantine/social distancing. Luckily, I’ve worked really hard over the years to better cope when those feelings arise.
I really came here to explain that I’ve been there and you’re not alone.
Here’s what’s helped me focus and recenter my thoughts to protect from the wrath of the emotions:
practice mindfulness
deep breathing
observe yourself from the outside looking in
talk yourself through it (via journaling or a “brain dump”)
mind·ful·ness
/ˈmīn(d)f(ə)lnəs/
noun
the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something.
a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.
When you practice mindfulness, you’re basically bringing your awareness back to the present moment and away from your wandering thoughts and feelings. Body scan meditations are a great place to start. I once did a body scan meditation and was thisclose to falling asleep! It was amazing. That was years ago and I’ve never been able to remember where that specific one came from. Here’s a short Body Scan to try. If you have the time, here’s a 45 minute Body Scan recording to try. Sounds to me like that one will for sure put you down lol. If you’d prefer to do it yourself and not listen to a meditation, use the short one I linked as a template to talk yourself through loosening tension in each part of your body.
Deep breathing is present in therapy, meditation and yoga. There are different deep breathing techniques. My personal fave is the 4-7-8 method. I first heard of it from my therapist and in meditations I’ve listened to. In the 4-7-8, you breathe in for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 7 seconds, and exhale for 8 seconds. Repeat a few times. I’ve found it to be really relaxing. Holding your breath can feel panicky but it serves as my reminder to calm tf down. This also helps me perform better in general with deep breathing because you have to have that sense of control.
Observing yourself from the outside looking in helps to not let the feelings consume you. You attempt to step outside of the moment to witness what you are experiencing. You can separate yourself from the emotion.
The more you get to know me, the more you’ll see that I’m a super-advocate/fan of journaling. I often use writing as a way of talking myself through the day. Whether the day is going well or not, I write. If I’m having a great day, my therapist suggests writing that down so that I have a “log of the good stuff”. That will be nice to look back on.
She also told me about G.L.A.D. journaling.
G for grateful - what are you grateful for?
L for learned - what did I learn today?
A for achieved/accomplished - what did I accomplish today?
D for delight - what brought you delight?
and it’s cool to do that as a daily practice.
Another way to journal that I’m dying to tell you about is the “brain dump”. I first learned this writing technique in the 8th grade. Ms Allana’s class. If you know, you know.
Pick up a pen and paper, think your thoughts and write every single one of them down. If you have a lapse and your mind wanders, you’re supposed to literally write “my brain is wandering”. Imagine this like a don’t-pick-your-pen-off-the-page kind of deal. No pauses. This allows you to get all of the good, bad, and ugly stuff off your chest and onto paper. Write first, organize your thoughts later. Or don’t organize them. Up to you.
The most important part of personal growth, in my opinion, is forgiveness of self. Forgiveness of self is taking the time to talk yourself through moments mindfully. If you backslide, forgive yourself because this stuff isn’t easy! Study where you are and what needs to happen to make change.
Personal growth is also giving yourself credit. You are not where you wanna be but you for dang sure ain’t where you used to be! Okay?! *snaps* You deserve those props! Cause this stuff ain’t what? EASY!
Feel what you’re feeling but don’t stay there too long.
peace, love, and happiness, my friends!
